And how we chose not to.
There’s a moment in parenting no one prepares you for.
It’s not about the child.
It’s about your spouse.
It’s the split second when your child does something wrong—
and you look up—
and lock eyes across the kitchen.
And without words, you’re deciding:
Are we on the same team right now?
Or not?
🥄 The night of the broken rule
It was a regular weekday night.
Homework half done.
Backpacks still on the floor.
Someone whining about chicken.
One of the kids spoke in a tone that was not okay.
Sharp.
Disrespectful.
Testing.
My husband reacted quickly.
“That’s not how you speak to mom.”
Firm.
Clear.
Final.
And immediately, I felt it.
That little flare inside.
He was right.
But he was stricter than I would have been.
And I had a choice.
I could soften it.
I could say, “It’s been a long day, let’s calm down.”
I could subtly signal to the child,
“It’s okay. I’m not as upset.”
Or—
I could back him.
🪞 The marriage moment inside the parenting moment
No one sees this part.
Parenting is happening.
But marriage is being shaped.
I looked at my child.
Then at him.
He didn’t look angry.
He looked protective.
Protective of me.
Something shifted.
Instead of correcting him,
I said,
“Dad is right. We speak with respect.”
The room changed.
Not because the rule was enforced.
But because we were aligned.
🧩 The private conversation later
Later that night,
when the house was quiet,
I told him gently,
“I felt like it escalated fast.”
He listened.
He said,
“I just don’t like when they talk to you like that.”
No defensiveness.
No scorekeeping.
Just two tired parents trying to get it right.
We adjusted together.
That’s the part people don’t talk about.
You don’t have to agree on everything in the moment.
But you do have to protect each other in front of your children.
Corrections can happen later.
Respect has to happen now.
🕊️ What kids really watch
Children don’t only learn how to behave.
They learn how a husband treats a wife.
How a wife speaks about a husband.
How disagreement sounds.
How unity feels.
When they see consistency,
they feel safe.
When they sense division,
even small cracks,
they lean into it.
Not because they’re manipulative.
Because they’re human.
🧡 Choosing the team
There will be moments you would do it differently.
Moments you think your spouse was too soft.
Or too strong.
Or too tired.
Or too quick.
But parenting isn’t two separate leaders.
It’s one team.
You can debate the play later.
Just don’t argue on the field.
🌙 After the dishes were done
That night, nothing dramatic happened.
No breakthrough.
No perfect child moment.
Just something quieter.
A glance across a messy kitchen.
A decision.
We’re together in this.
And that—
more than any rule—
is what our children will remember.
Love,
Rochel
A mother of 4 of the cutest children. I have seen the ups and downs in motherhood. Subscribe to this newsletter to hear my raw and honest thoughts on the joys and chaos of motherhood.
